Self Writing

One thing I realized that I don't do as much as I used is writing short poems or short pieces of prose. Previously when I would write it would help come to terms or clarify my position with a problem that I was facing. I found that when I would write things down it would force me to confront the issue, mapping out what the problem, see the pros and cons and then identify a solution or have a moment of clarity.

It is about a difficult moment when you realize that things are not what you think they are. Sometimes things don't go the way want, no matter how much you might not want to admit it. But I think that reacting appropriately and keeping your dignity and doing what you think to be the right thing is the most important way to deal with such situations. After all you can only control one thing, your own ability to react other people's actions even if they not what you expected.

I know that things for you have been hard.
I see it your face and when your head shifts towards the floor.
Your voice quivers and sounds sore.
I can put my arm around you,
tell you to treasure the good things in your life.
That your friendship helps to keep my heart warm
and that your strength inspires me.
But I'm struggling to say those words,
and I know you should hear these words,
but I'm unable to say these words.

Your difficulties paralled me,
I accept that I'm not going to see the things you see.
But just because I don't know what you see,
Doesn't mean I would just let things be.

So I wonder what do I know,
I can't let go of a friend who knows me.
Someone who knows a little part of the "real" me.
Even though we see things differently.
I don't fully understand what has happened
or what will happen in the future.

Somethings happen by complete chance,
and somethings happen because we make them happen.
I said that I never give up on my friends
but the realization of what we are now 
and that sadness won't leave until I give up on you.

So I wonder what do I know,
Maybe the problem is me not letting go
of someone who was different from what they seemed.
That maybe we saw things differently.
I'm whispering when I should be shouting,
and I'm pushing when I should be waiting.
I don't understand anything I've heard
I should be saying I won't give up on you,
I should be yelling I miss you.
Despite those doubts, in spite of my doubts.
I won't give up on you.